I’m not making this shit up.
These are actual laws in various states in the good ole U.S. of A…
You may not sing the alphabet on the streets at night.
Pedestrians crossing the highways after dark must wear tail lights.
If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.
Incestuous marriages are legal.
You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
It is illegal to wear a fake moustache in church.
Snots may not be flicked into the wind.
Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
Men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or marital status, may face up to five years in jail.
While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.
It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.
No one may tie their pet dog to the roof of a car.
It is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.
Owners of flamingos may not let their pet into barber shops.
There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.
Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person possesses.
You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.
No more than six girls may live in any house.
A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.
Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
Honking ones car horn at a sandwich shop after 9 PM is against the law.
Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.
Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.
It is unlawful to walk one’s cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday.
You may only throw a frisbee at the beach in Los Angeles County, CA with the lifeguard’s permission.
No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a school or church.
Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways.
Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.
City Council order reads: “No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash.
You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.
It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbour.
In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.
It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades.
It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.
It is illegal for any beautician to hum, whistle, or sing while working on a customer.
Changing into or out of a bathing suit in a public restroom is prohibited.
One may not whisper in church.
Six-year-old girls may not run around without being fully clothed.
Alcohol may not be served in nightclubs if dancing is occurring on the premises at the same time.
Pregnant pigs must not be confined in cages.
It is illegal to sell your children.
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer.
A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday.
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
You may not kiss your wife’s breasts.
It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
All sex toys are banned.
It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.
Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.
No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.
All citizens must own a rake.
If you want to read your favorite book in public to your friends, do it before 2:45 AM.
It is illegal to sell two beers at once for a single price.
Goldfish may not be given away to entice someone to enter a game of bingo.
You may only have one alcoholic drink in front of you at a time.
Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears.
You may not fish on a camel’s back.
Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime.
If a police officer approaches a vehicle and suspects that the occupants are engaging in sex, he must either honk, or flash his lights and wait for three minutes before approaching the car.
Bicycles are not allowed in the tennis courts.
A person may not be seen in public without a smile on their face.
It is against the law to have sex with a corpse in Illinois.
You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.
One may not pee in your neighbour’s mouth.
Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.
It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.
It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe’s neck.
In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb.
It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.
Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays.
It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public.
One may not sniff glue.
Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.
Moustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.
A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
One-armed piano players must perform for free.
Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.
Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants.
One must obtain written permission from the City Council before throwing bricks into a highway.
Within the city limits, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.
One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once.
Dogs may not molest cars.
One may not receive anal sex.
A woman may not buy a hat without her husband’s permission.
One could possibly land in jail for 20 years upon urinating in the city’s water supply.
Persons could land in jail for up to ten years for stealing an alligator.
It is a $500 fine to instruct a pizza delivery man to deliver a pizza to your friend without them knowing.
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
It is illegal to gargle in public places.
Rituals that involve the ingestion of blood, urine, or fecal matter are not allowed.
If your extra curricular activities happen to include any of the above, these are the places to avoid on your next vacation: Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky and Louisiana.
P.S. You’re welcome.